I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
