feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
