I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
