Got a toothbrush?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dicks are not precious.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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