I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
