Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize