The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
