Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
