Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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