On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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