are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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