my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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