I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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