I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
