Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
