Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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