i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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