The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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