My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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