she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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