We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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