You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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