I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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