I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
