I can tuck mytits in my pants
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
