Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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