She said her name was "party"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
