I'm passing your future prison.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
