I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
