He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize