Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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