Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
