Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
don't judge my taste in strippers
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
