just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
