Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
