I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
