if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
