Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize