So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
