tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
