We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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