Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
