I hate your face
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
