she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
