Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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