Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
high people should be assigned attendants
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
