Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize