I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize