Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
