Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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