you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
