No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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