I think I just saw someone hide a body.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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