I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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