whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
