Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
