Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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