I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
