So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
