My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
