just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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