Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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