Is it because I queefed?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize