Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
