So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
do nipples grow back?
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