life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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