you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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