okay pat passed out under dana's car
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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