Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
