i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
