I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize