I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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