You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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