there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
