Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
