My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
